The past few weeks have been extremely stressful and overwhelming In the past I would have crawled in my bed and covered my head. Then all my issues would be left for someone else to deal with. But now, there is no way I can do it. I have noticed that I may be stressed and overwhelmed but I know that I cant change some things and just have to go with the flow and handle things one day at a time.
Now to share some of the reminders, I have had to undergo a medicine change (actually 2 meds) and it is never easy but I have stayed on top of what I am feeling and experiencing. I am able to recognize the signs of the meds not working. I think we are once again on the right path.
I have learned over the past what to look for if I am beginning to slip. I saw my grades dropping ( from an A to a B+).. I know that sounds crazy but for me it is a huge sign that I am having trouble focusing. So I took a 2 week break and started back today.
It seems like when it rains it pours for me. Or either when I am doing good and following the plans God has for me, the devil loves to step in and try to destroy me. Bekah had an accident from falling out of tree.. and has a minor dislocation of her shoulder.. no surgery thank God.. at the same time my landlord told me she was not renewing me lease so I have to move.. long story as to why and it is unfair but nevertheless it is happening.. All of this is happening at once... but I noticed I am calm... I know I cant change it so I just have to figure out what to do and how to do it.. amazingly it is coming together . it may not be the way I want it to occur but I know that I am a survivor and this must be in Gods plans.
A huge reminder this week for me was when I approached my issue with my parents, They decided I could stay with them for a few weeks until I get another place. This may seem minor but if you could have seen the damage I have done to my relationship with them, you would understand how great it feels that they can see the changes in me and trust me again.
Another major reminder is my relationship with my sister. We grew apart many years ago. We never talked or were much of a part of each others lives. She never would have trusted me with her wonderful boys. That has changed so much.. I now babysit my nephews often and I love it.. I still have to win my oldest nephew over a little since he is 6 years old and aunt Kim wasn't around much as he was growing. However, The little guy loves aunt Kim and I know we will be close.. I will never again lose the relationships I have now with my family. They are my top priority now.
Last night my uncle called. You have to understand.. my Uncle was my favorite growing up.. I have spent many hours at his house. He introduced me to so much.. especially hockey. He could make me cry just by raising his voice a little and saying my name.. I just never wanted to feel he was disappointed in me.. well, as I have grown and struggled with my bipolar, I disappointed him in so many ways and we drifted apart.. For him to say on the phone that even though he drives a truck and is away..he keeps up with me and knows the changes I have made.. He said he was proud of me.. and could see the changes himself.. I am sure he has no idea how much that meant to me coming from him.
Lastly, the best reminder I had came in the mail today. As some of you know, I stayed in a battered women and children's shelter. I received a letter today saying since I have left my abuser and not returned for a year, they would like me to apply to be on their advisory board. What an honor for me? I will definitely be applying. I hope I am able to do it because if I can help them in any way.. it is one way to pay them back. I also have no trouble telling my story to others to help encourage them that it gets better and easier.. one day at a time is my philosophy. So many shared their stories with me when I was there that I would love to help someone else.
I know that there will be many more obstacles thrown my way but I know that I am stronger than ever and will be able to handle them as they come. For those that have stuck by me throughout all of this I can NEVER thank you enough. You will never know how much your love, support, and encouragement.
You seeing the changes and acknowledging them makes me realize more and more how far I have come. My promise to you is that I will never return to where I came from.. I will only move forward ..
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